I’m reading Pizza Prospects, while Mike (my roommate) watches Adult Swim. He asks what I am reading; I explain. We exchange knowing looks, and our stomachs rumble almost simultaneously.
Two minutes later, my bike is humming down South College Avenue, banking to the left onto East Delaware. My destination is Little Caesars; my goal is the Hot – N – Ready.
In the same way there are sub-prime loans, there are sub-prime pizzas. You may think you are getting what you want, but ultimately you are left dissatisfied and without cash in your wallet. The Hot – N – Ready is no exception. For $5.00, Little Caesar’s advertises a fourteen inch pie with your choice of plain or pepperoni toppings. No claims are made about the quality of the sauce or dough, and for good reason. The HNR, as it will be known from now on, is devoid of anything that makes it unique. It’s not that it is inedible, as both my roommate and I had eaten the entire thing in under 5 minutes. The HNR is simply the most bland pizza I have ever encountered*. The crust is neither thin nor thick, nor soft or hard. If anything, the dough comes off as a little gummy. The sauce isn’t much better either. It isn’t as much sauce as it is a thin layer of cheese matrix with embedded tomato product. Truly, the sauce is just a veneer that can be peeled away to reveal plain, slightly greasy bread.
In all fairness, my circle of friends has consumed an untold number of these mass-produced, sub-prime pizzas. But we also consume untold volumes of mass-produced, sub-prime beers, wines, and liquors. College makes a person frugal, and the appeal of a $5.00 pie usually overcomes any concerns about quality. If the HNR does one thing right, however, it lies in the satiating effect on the stomachs of hungry students across the UD campus.
240 East Delaware Avenue
Newark, DE 19711
*As a point of fact, Mike thinks the HNR is an awesome pizza. This review has resulted in a small but heated discourse.
Nick Bradley's GI tract might be in distress, but his wallet isn't.