Canyon Pizza

It’s 2 am on a Friday night at Penn State, everyone has been drinking, there’s some icy slush on the ground, I’ve now spotted eleven familiar faces from high school I was (for the most part) hoping to never see again, and where is everyone on campus? Waiting in line for Canyon Pizza. All of them shouting the famous “WE ARE! PENN STATE!” chants as if they all have to be constantly reminded of what school they attend. I’m not playing around here, EVERYONE on campus was there. I’ve never seen such a line for pizza. Some people couldn’t handle the pressure of the classy group of gentlemen above us on the balconies making fun of their “gay” hats, or their slutty girlfriends who were falling all over the place, and dropped out of line. Some people were smoking joints, some were peeing in the street, while others were arguing about if the Red Sox were actually any good this year. All in all, so far, it was a fantastic atmosphere.


Now, I had only been to Canyon once before, but let’s just say I don’t remember it particularly well. You’re probably wondering what aspects of Canyon pizza make it so popular that I wanted to stand in line for upwards of over half an hour for what was probably gonna be some droopy, greasy, corner side ‘za. AND THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS! This pizza is NOT anything special to rave about. BUT! This is how they draw you in. You walk in, and there are two babes taking orders frantically at the counter. HAWT babes. Every few minutes or so they would ring this giant gong (not really sure of the significance, but how cool is that?). Best of all the pizza is only a dollar a slice! I had so much money left over from what I thought I was gonna spend on pizza I decided to put some in their tip jar that so kindly read “Give a FUCK, tip a BUCK.”

So here’s the deal with the pizza, it is all too good to be true. It was way too droopy and thin to the point where it took me almost 4 times to get that pointy part of the slice into my mouth. Not a good way to start. Overall the sauce to cheese ratio was wonderful, unfortunately the sauce had this terrible garlic taste to it which made me almost want to spit it all back up. It was almost like the used a really cheap garlic powder to cover up the nasty-ness of their bland sauce. The crust was probably the only good part about it. It was really crispy to the point where the bread was flaking when folded in half. I was too terrified to dip the crust into my sauce in fear of spitting it back up.

Apparently, I really didn’t remember being there that well, because this pizza was high on my list of places with sub-par pies. All though, I can say with confidence I’ve never had more fun waiting for a pizza in my life, and maybe that’s the draw. Bonding with friends you haven’t seen in a while, people watching, and the hot babes. Either way, it’s probably a place you have to stop by no matter what just to see it for yourself.


-WillyD.